Today is the day of your birth and the sun could not be shining more brilliantly. There is not a cloud in the sky making the blue deep with clarity. The birds are singing their morning songs; November Spring is still in the air. There is a calm serenity about a morning such as this and to witness it knowing that you will be coming into the world today makes my heart fill with joy. Your presence will be a gift to the world and we will cherish all the gifts of laughter and kindness I know you will bestow.
For every drop in the ocean there is a ripple. An effect of one drop that has over the entire surface of the water. The ocean is a beast, hungry and ferocious. But no drop is missed or just consumed with out it being noticed. Each causes a ripple, each drop belongs. Each is unique and warranted in the large body of water running through the tides. For what is an ocean but billions of drops of water either falling from the skies, running from streams or seeping out through the earth.
It doesn’t matter where you’re from, you belong.
There are at least one hundred things I want to say, maybe more, the list grows each day. I wish I had the courage to say them out loud to break the tension in the air between us. I wish you would just listen and take in the words. I wish that you would say sorry so we could move on, but there is no sorry that you want to hear from me anymore. Just the silence of the guilty. I know I’m guilty but so are you.
There were one hundred things to say to you, but not anymore.
The erie dark forrest floor shadowed by a canopy of black curtains presented ghostly figures dancing between trunks in the light before dawn. Simply the misty white essence of a moist floor but erie all the same. The scurry of small creatures rustling amongst the dead leaves would make any spin tingle combined with the swoop of a dark crow over head and a distant owl hooting. Mozzies team their forces for an onslaught attack; leeches lurk below. Fear can not over take determination. On the other side of this valley is a perfect vantage point to watch the sunrise.
Silence. The sweet sound of serenity that allows for your mind to rest. Or the perfect environment to breed anxiety. The reason for clam or the reason for panic. Silence is the creator of sweaty palms and day dreaming of faceless enemies. You can be enlightened or frightened by it. It’s the sound you crave but once you have it, you fear it. It’s the thing that brings a grown man to his knees and women to a heightened state. Would you trust your twins playing with crayons in another room if all you heard was silence? Already too late.
On my way home to a surprise birthday weekend organised by my husband. I have no idea what’s in store and that freaks me out a little. But, I have a loving husband who looks after me. I can trust in him, therefore there is no reason to panic. Why worry, there is nothing to worry about. Surprises are good, they are fun filled moments of complete shock mixed with a butt load of anxiety, a scream of joy all resembling some fun. It’s an interesting combo… One I am currently wrestling with. Ok, (breath) birthday weekend, bring it on!
Eyes wide open; the lids seemingly glued apart fixed on a single object in front of her eyes. Her breath became shorter, shallower, dangerously close to not breathing at all. The body responded by locking all arms and legs in the upward right position, unmoving. The only uncontrollable part of her body the mind couldn’t seize was the perspiring sweat beading at the back of her neck and temples. Her chest rose and fell hard with the onset of panic. This wasn’t happening; this couldn’t be happening. She had never locked her keys in the car before, what now? Shit.
Gerry had tests today at school so he studied with friends on the train. They gathered around in a circle as the tracks da donk da donked below them sway each from side to side. Maths and science were the topics today. They quote the text books, repeating answers from teacher lectures and move through the topic in a last cram session before school. Sitting around observing this phenomenon of modern school topics are adults sitting playing games on iPhones, reading books giving the occasion glance to the students, thinking, what on earth are they teaching our kids these days?
I don’t suppose you saw the sign that said “Wrong Way Go Back”, no? Me neither. I guess some things that are obvious to some aren’t so obvious to others and for that only time would tell, that I took the wrong path in life some where in the past that wound me up here like this. Scared, lonely, with out a friend in the world. I lost my ability to trust, then lost my ability to speak. No body notices me anymore. I’m an invisible face in a crowd of no one. I am alone and cold and numb.
Vetti's Lunchbox 